Listen, we’re partial to all things travel—but let’s be honest: flying can be a headache. Between the stress of getting to your gate on time, obsessively checking for your ID and passport, and praying your bag isn’t overweight, the last thing you should have to worry about is the people around you.
Luckily, there’s always that one person who acts like they’re the only traveler in the airport—and no one wants to be that guy. Below, we’ve broken down five classic traits of the boarding jerk everyone dreads. Read on.
Crowd the Boarding Gate
As soon as they announce the first pre-boarding group—which you’re likely not part of (most normal folk like us aren’t)—stand right by the gate, hover awkwardly, and ignore all personal space. Bonus points if the gate agent asks you to step aside.
Try to Board Before Your Group
While you’re there way earlier than you should be, you might as well try to board a group or two ahead of your assigned spot. (Yes, we’re looking at you, Group 8 passengers.) The rules probably don’t apply to you, right? I’m sure you’ll have no problem slipping in with Group 1. Just hop in line and act surprised when they turn you away.
Be Unprepared
While you’re in line to board, don’t have anything ready—make sure your boarding pass is buried deep in the least accessible pocket of your backpack. Gold star if they make you check your carry-on at the gate because it’s not the “right” size (shoutout to my fellow large carry-on people). Hold up the line a little longer, why don’t you?
Push People in the Walkway
Pushing past people in the narrow plane aisle to get to your seat is a surefire way to secure a spot on the “total airplane jerk” list. Who cares if you cut in front of others? You’re getting to your seat before everyone else—and really, that’s all that matters.
Just Be Flat-Out Rude
Roll your eyes at the flight attendants. Scoff at other passengers when they get in your way. Speak in an obnoxious tone. Basically, just be as rude as possible... and congratulations, you’ve done it! If you follow these five steps, you’ll absolutely earn your spot as the one jerk everyone can’t stand at the airport.
